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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Lala Land

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author (Good Tea), and they do not reflect in any way those of www.thyrst.ca

This show is literally eating itself alive. James Kennedy is the lowest rung on the SUR ladder yet he’s the only one keeping this ship afloat. Drama is oxygen to reality television, without drama these shows won’t survive so although the ladies are using their “feminism” power to get him off the show, without him all we’ll have is a bunch of thirty-somethings trying to “adult” while deflecting their own relationship drama onto the other opposing couples on the show. 

James can’t do anything right, we’ve already established this but nobody else can either. The DJ got fired after he called Katie fat and yes it was wrong, however, every single person has had a fight in SUR and they’ve never been fired. How many times have Scheana, Katie, Brittany, Ariana, Lala and Sandoval had fights with someone during their work hours? Were any of them fired? I’m not saying what James did was right because it definitely wasn’t but how can you fire one person for insulting their coworker when that’s the premise of the show? Fighting in the workplace is literally the reason this show was invented, did Vanderpump forget that? If everyone doesn’t want James insulting them while at work then we should cancel the show right now.

The reason this show is dying a slow and painful death is that everyone is still trying to keep up with the fourth wall bullshit. No one actually works at SUR anymore with the exception of James Kennedy, however, for entertainment purposes, we’re supposed to believe Katie is pushing 40 with the intention of starting a family but still wants to feel safe enough serving fried chicken without being berated by the restaurant’s resident DJ. It’s bullshit but no one can call it out because they need to hide their mess behind the fourth wall and play along with the reality TV game. How can the ladies on this show complain about James’ antics when they continue to do the same things? It’s exhausting and I’m obsessed with this show, however, how long can we keep this bullshit facade up? 

Seeing Lala stroll around SUR in her JLo throwback dress while verballing abusing the background characters of this show was rough. Yes, I understand the wannabe gangster of Utah is hurting after the passing of her father and no one can understand her pain, but calm the fuck down. Is Lala Kent the only person with pain in West Hollywood let alone in Lisa Vanderpump’s Sexy Unique Restaurant? No. What about the four customers attending Billie Lee’s brunch or the dishwasher out the back? Every single person has pain but we swallow it down and keep moving, you can’t lash out at people and scream into their eardrums just because your dad died. That’s not life. Lala’s breakdown while in a Jennifer Lopez circa 2000 dress was an incredibly entertaining moment, no one can take that from her, but morally Lala wasn’t so above board. 

Her behaviour sucked and seeing her scream at Raquel was just sad. This isn’t a fair fight, Raquel doesn’t have the ability to even understand Lala’s insults let alone fight back about someone screaming into her face and I’m not even sure what she’s mad about. Raquel told Lala’s friend she pulls her dad card? I’m sorry but what was she doing for this entire meltdown? In response to Raquel saying she pulls the dad card what did Lala do? The bitch pulled the fucking dad card. Why does she give one fuck about what James, Raquel or Billie Lee have to say about her? Who cares? If a hobo told you you were dirty would you listen? NO. Grief is a powerful thing but it gets to a point where you’ve got to be able to choke it down in public or just stay home.

The whole feminism card is fucking pathetic. Lala thinks Raquel should support other women but she doesn’t have to support Raquel because she doesn’t like her? What the fuck? Feminism is equality of the sexes, you can’t just throw feminism in whenever a woman wants a leg up against a man in an argument and women supporting women is bullshit, can’t people support people? Lala doesn’t want to support Raquel because she’s a twat, which is totally understandable, however, women don’t have to support each other just because they share the common bond of having a vagina. If you don’t like each other then what’s the need for support? The entire argument is bullshit and to see an entire season shaped around the ladies manipulating the #MeToo movement by throwing in phrases like “feminism” and “women supporting women” into arguments without even knowing the meaning is beyond sad and counterproductive.  

If James was yelling at someone in the entrance of Lisa Vanderpump’s restaurant he would’ve been fired followed by a tearful sob to LVP at one of her restaurants. Even though fighting in the workplace is the point of this show, if LVP wants to keep up the trend of firing people for yelling at each their coworkers then she needs to follow through with this dumb routine, otherwise she should just give the DJ his job back and give the soul-sucking black hole that is Katie Maloney the option to quit because we all know she doesn’t work there anyway. Everybody on this show sucks, can LVP just fire them all and we can start season eight without the false belief that these successful reality stars still live off a waiter’s salary? They’ve been waiting tables for 10 years, you’d at least think they’d have some kind of promotion. 

James decided to carry the bone back to Lisa about Lala having a tantrum in SUR, however, she didn’t believe him. After he’s had more than his fair share of rampages through Vanderpump’s establishments she can’t trust that him ratting out someone else for exhibiting similar behaviour is the truth. He’s the boy who cried fat, James made fun of Katie’s weight one too many times during a pasta binge so nothing he says is credible in the eyes of his boss. And why the fuck is Lisa pretending she wasn’t informed of the incident by producers as it was happening? James decided to be proactive and informed LVP he wouldn’t be attending the TomTom opening after his brawl with Lala, which is probably the most grown-up thing he has literally ever done. 

Apart from Scheana fake eating her Mexican food and James tearfully smoking a cigarette while christening the alleyway behind TomTom my favourite part of this episode was Kristen Doute’s sitdown with Lisa Vanderpump. This is the television we need. On the anniversary of Kristen telling Diana to “suck a dick” in front of SUR, she decided to stomp into the Sexy Unique Restaurant with her spaghetti legs and speak to LVP about the Toms inviting her to the opening of TomTom. LVP and her dusty muff ultimately decided she could attend as she was on the Toms list but of course she couldn’t let their interaction get by without an annoying dig that isn’t funny while she got her former employee to kiss her ass in order to get an invite.

Also, did you notice how LVP completely incriminated herself? She claimed she didn’t invite one person to the Daily Mail TomTom party, however, why was she annoying Kyle about ditching the event in the Beverly Hills premiere? If it wasn’t Lisa’s event and she didn’t invite anyone, why would she expect Kyle to be there? It’s always a good day when Lisa’s spinoff show finds her guilty in a storyline on her other show. 

Is this the first time Lisa and Kristen have spoken in five years apart from when LVP is telling her to shut up at the reunions? Lisa Vanderpump sucks and Kristen shouldn’t have even had to stoop to her level and grovel for an event because it’s not like Kristen “Suck A Dick” Doute to not attend an event after she was not invited or banned from the venue where it’s taking place, normally Kristen would be on a filmed event like white on rice, if or if not she was actually supposed to be there. Kristen Doute is a national treasure and we need her in 100% more scenes than she’s currently in. #JusticeForKristen.

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Sam Allen

Written by Sam Allen

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