I was up all night thinking “what has happened to one of my favourite shows”. This show gave me a warm sensation like a fireball shot. Now I’m just BORED sis. It’s clear we are in a transition season of Vanderpump Rules and after last night’s episode it’s clear the shift should be out with the old, in with the new. Listen, I watch the Real Housewives for weddings, freezing of eggs and baby storylines. I watch Vanderpump Rules for douchery and binge drinking shenanigans. Let’s not forget this show was founded on thirsty 20-30 year olds chasing the dream of fame and money in Los Angeles. Now, the original cast has achieved what they set out to do, they are famous and they are making more money than they’ve ever made “modelling” or “acting”.
Since they conquered LaLa Land, the old cast doesn’t make an effort anymore and they allegedly refused to film with the new cast members regularly. The old kids think they are better than the new casts and that really irks me. You couldn’t invite the new kids to your second staged Vegas wedding? They still want the paycheck but don’t want to put in the work. Can you imagine if Stassi took Dayna under her wing and molded her into another (basic) bad bitch? Even Katie is really over it. During an April appearance on the Everything Iconic with Danny Pellegrino, Katie suggested that the OGs split from the show to allow for it to repopulate with some fresh blood. “Get some 25-year-olds in there again. Get some little Stassis in there who are going to be insubordinate,” she said. Here is my thoughts on how we should move forward.
NOT ANOTHER F*CKING WEDDING
Do you want to sit through another wedding on Vanderpump Rules? We as of right now, we have TWO weddings next season as both Stassi & Lala are tying the knot. The one thing that was a real damper on this season was the Jax & Brittany wedding. Let’s give Stassi a three episode wedding special and send her off to inspire basic bitches around the world. It’s clear she’s evolved beyond the show and I will stab myself in the eye with a spoon if I have to hear another Game of Thrones reference.
WHO SHOULD RETURN?
James, Lala, Scheana, Kristen & Ariana should be the only returning players from the previous cast. PERIODT.
James who has been an absolute monster and impossible to root for seems to be turning a corner. I want to continue to watch his journey. The evolution of Lala and James has been very captivating to watch. From blacking out together to navigating the world of sobriety, some of the best scripted characters on television don’t have this type of character development. Let’s not forget these two icons were screaming obscene digs like “you look pregnant” or “I can tell some of us aren’t working on our summer bodies”. They’ve come so far.
Ariana who been a bright rainbow in the shit storm that is Vanderpump Rules. From educating the audience on the darkness of depression to advocating to equality for the LGBTQA+ community, Ariana is a STAR! She also seems to be iced out by the OGs…maybe because she’s frankly over their bullshit.
These three paired with resident queens Kristen & Scheana (who never disappoint) we’ll still get a taste of the old Vanderpump Rules without it feeling stale or forced.
NEW KIDS GOT PROMISE
Trust in the new kids. They have promise and we need to get to know them! Max has an unlikeability factor that rivals Jax. He brought us our only signature Pump Rules LOL moment last night by sleeping with the bootleg Scheana. Brett is the new version of the Toms, pretty with no brain cells. I took an edible and got lost in his YouTube channel, we need more of his shirtless antics. Hot & cringeworthy, so on brand for this show! Yes, sure both these men had racist tweets surface and it shouldn’t be taken lightly but are we going to pretend that Jax hasn’t done or said worst? And he’s still getting paid by Bravo!
Danica has a Kristen Doute messy energy that we need. She punched her boyfriend AT work when he offered up a threesome? Why aren’t we seeing more of this bombshell breakout star? Dayna also seems to have such a dark & jaded edge to her which is a staple of this show. While maintaining a day job, she has had some of the best moments this season. Like asking Scheana if she’s 16 or 34 was a high quality read! I trust these two divas can bring us more than Katie knitting or Brittany’s Disney themed events.
Raquel has the beauty and grace and is really turning into a root-able reality TV star. Her zing “we might not be able to agree Lala is a bully, but we can agree she is a bitch” was a cultural reset, a STAR WAS BORN! Raquel has a Stephanie Hollman from Real Housewives of Dallas vibe that this show needs. I loved shaky voice Raquel from her first debut but she really became an icon when she came to the reunion in full ruffle sleeves. And let’s not forget about Charlie! When she called out Lala still having feelings for James but won’t date him because he is broke has the savagery read level Stassi once brought us. I love that she is already calling out her fellow newbies. ““I think the only reason why Dayna went after Brett was to get more attention,” Charli stated on the Daily Dish Podcast. “If you have to date two guys that are both friends in the same work environment essentially then you’re some type of thirsty.” She also hasn’t tried pasta or avocados, like we need more of this nutcase!
Vanderpump Rules is a modern reality TV version FRIENDS and I don’t want it to go anywhere. After this season it’s clear we need a full revamp. We need to get invested in the new blood without being distracted with dead lizards and cultural insensitive cop pranks. I am praying for the Bravo Gods that they pick a lane next season, swerving back and forth from Value Village to West Hollywood is not IT. We also need to remember it’s not the cast who makes this show, it’s the editors. So draft up the new cast contract, fire the OGs and let the genius editors make some magic!